A Full Length Play

INTERCOURSE, OHIO

By G. L. Horton
copyright © 2000 Geralyn Horton

2 acts, unit set, 4 women, 4 men (with doubling)

BJ Northrop, a lonely bookworm in rural Grey Center, Ohio, says good-bye to her best friend Madge and heads off to State College determined to grapple with the Great Questions and the Opposite Sex. BJ is eager for intercourse, sexual and intellectual. At school she discovers that "in loco parentis" means a Dorm Mother, two Home Economics majors for roommates, and a set of parietal rules that would daunt the denizens of a gulag. Still, BJ quickly picks up Philip, a poetry-quoting senior who is a genius math major, to be her first lover -- and then discovers to her dismay that she is Philip's first, too.

On the basis of essays signed with her androgynous initials, BJ gets herself invited to the weekly gathering of literary intellectuals at Professor Levine's house. There she is befriended by Levine's wife Rachel, --at twenty-six the mother of six children-- and she is introduced to Stefan, the editor of the school literary magazine, and Jake, an African-American art major. BJ is eager to embrace the Bohemian way of life, and as many "genius" lovers as she can handle. Over Thanksgiving break, BJ manages to escape disaster back home in Grey Center when she and Madge hide surreptitiously visiting Philip under the bed, but back at college BJ's opinions and behavior land her in trouble with her dorm, and by the end of Act One she has been ordered to see the school psychiatrist and "Get straightened out."

In Act Two BJ finds that the psychiatrist, Dr. Oloff, is a strong woman herself, one who is not inclined to go along with "shrinking" young females to fit society's double standard. The doctor encourages BJ to be strong too: use her excellent mind and follow her usually accurate instincts. But by this time BJ has begun to have doubts about her course. The "geniuses" who cluster around the charismatic Professor Levine seem to see sex and art and intellect as macho competitions, and they are out to win whatever the cost. What IS the cost? And who pays it?

BJ confides to Rachel that she's beginning to think maybe what she needs is a noncompetitive love-partner, an ordinary B-student kind of guy ---like the engineering major, Milton, who has asked her to marry him. Yet how is she to disentangle herself from the State College Smart Set? They speak BJ's language: the literary language of her girlhood's bookish dreams. But Philip, who seemed at first to be a free spirit and a soul-mate, is increasingly eccentric -- on top of which he has turned jealous, and may even be stalking her. And Jake-- how is she to explain all this to Jake? To him her new-found "maturity" and "realism" has other names: cowardice and racism Madge and Rachel, even they can't really understand. Maybe only a daughter could.....

Intercourse, Ohio was workshopped in the 1992 New Play Festival at the Cleveland Public Theater. Scenes from the play were presented at the Medford Library, under a MCC Arts grant. Revised, it had a staged reading in the 1995 Playwright's Platform Summer Festival, after which it had yet another rewrite.

INTERCOURSE, OHIO
CHARACTERS
BJ (Belinda Jean) Northrup, 18; a coed from Gray Center, Ohio.
Madge Perinski, 18; her best friend at Gray High School..
Mrs. Cartwright, 50; Taft Dorm mother at State Normal School..
Charlene Pinderhoft, 18; a Home Economics major..
Judy Krespin, 18; ditto, BJ's roommate..
Philip Van Dyke, 22; a Physics major..
Dr. Carleton Traversson, 50; English professor..
Seymour Levine, 30; Assistant Professor of English..
Rachel Levine, 26; Sy's wife .
Stefan Furlong, 22; poet and editor of State's literary magazine..
Betty, 21; and Education major, Stefan's girlfriend..
Jake Johnson, 21; an African-American Art and Photography major.
Dr. Clara Ohloff, 50; the school psychiatrist..
Time: 1959.
Place: a State College in Ohio.
Setting: should be sketchy. Characters should be able to walk from one side of the stage to the other to indicate a new scene. BJ addresses the audience directly, her monologues picked out by a spotlight. BJ's costume changes should indicate her current "persona" -- start with a less sophisticated version of the coed sweater and skirt, modify it to an ethnic-peasant look, then gradually add black until her style is pure beatnik. In Act Two BJ becomes more conservative, and by the last scene she has adopted Rachel's mode of maternity wear. The actress can make these changes in view of the audience. The actors may double-- 4 women and 4 men can play all the parts.

SCENE TWO.
(BJ changes into a black circle skirt and a bright scoop-necked sweater. The other two students wear pastel sweater-sets with little collars, one in bobby socks and one in heels and nylons)

MRS.CARTWRIGHT: Now girls, your Alma Mater stands here "in loco parentis", which means, in the place of your parents. Your copy of the parietals and the dress code should be like your Bible. Any girl accumu- lating 10 demerits will be grounded: confined to the dorm. No passes, no dates, not even a trip to the library! Male visitors are restricted to the front lobby, and must all be out of the building by nine p.m. Fathers and brothers may visit briefly, with your door left open. Sign them in and announce it good and loud by shouting "Man on the floor"! -- you don't want to catch a girl in her curlers! Be considerate of your roomies at all times. Those girls are your best friends. Your roomies have been select- ed carefully, so you will have a lot in common.

JUDY: Is that your stuff in the room?

BJ: 343? Uhhuh.

JUDY: I guess we're roommates. Would you mind taking the upper bunk? I'm nervous about heights.

B.J. Well, I like to read in bed. If I'm on top, I might --

CHARLENE: What's your name? Belinda Northrup? What kind of a name is that?

BJ: BJ. Call me BJ.

JUDY: Hi. I'm Judy Krespin, and that's Charlene Pinderhoft. We're both Home Ec, too.

BJ: You're kidding. Aren't you?

CHARLENE: The Dorm Mother said you're taking Home Economics.

BJ: Oh, no. No, I'm not.

CHARLENE That's supposed to be your major.

BJ Well, I can't help it. It's not.

JUDY: What is your major, then?

BJ: Philosophy, I think. Or maybe Art History. I'm not sure.

JUDY: That's funny.

CHARLENE: We were really excited when we heard you were Home Ec, because we could all study together.

JUDY: Maybe you put down Home Ec as one of your interests?

BJ: No! I haven't the slightest -- Oh, my God! The Lunch Club.

JUDY: Well! You don't have to swear about it.

BJ: (to audience) Gray High was a very small school. If I joined the home ec Lunch Club, once a week I could cook lunch in the lab -- I mean I was bored: I never thought it'd come back to haunt me!

*****************************************************

SCENE THREE
(A dim corner at the College Mixer. BJ trips over PHILIP, sloshing her punch.)

BJ: Oops! Excuse me.

PHILIP: My fault. My feet.

BJ: It's so dark. Why do you suppose it's so dark? If the idea's to meet people?

PHILIP: Be grateful for the mask of night. Otherwise the gods might be forced to avert their eyes.

BJ: Is something wrong?

PHILIP: "The question is absurd. If anything were wrong, we would certainly have heard."

BJ: Auden! The Unknown Citizen..

PHILIP: A gold star for the little lady. She's "had" Auden.

BJ: I haven't "had" anybody yet. I'm just a Freshman.

PHILIP: Don't let that stop you. Having and being had: isn't that what this Mixing is about? What are you waiting for?

BJ: Oh, poetry. And Romance.

PHILIP: Well, don't look to Mr. W.H. He's not that sort.

BJ: But he wrote that lovely "Lay your sleeping head, my love". Better than Dylan Thomas, who makes women sound like beefsteak.

PHILIP: If women were steak tartare, Auden would gag. He's queer.

BJ: Oh! Is he? Is that why they despise us? I mean, Eliot, for instance.

PHILIP: Eliot doesn't like anybody, much. Women, Americans, Jews-

BJ: Are you Jewish?

PHILIP: Are you a bigot?

BJ: I hope not.

PHILIP: Then why did you ask?

BJ: Was it rude? I always want to know everything, and sometimes I don't consider whether it's any of my business.

PHILIP: (sarcastic) Simply fascinated by religion.

BJ: Well, I am, actually. Like Eliot, I was raised in a not-quite- Christian church where Jesus is sort of a great rabbi.

PHILIP: Unitarian.

BJ: You've heard of it?

PHILIP: My family is, too.

BJ: Good God! Look, I don't want to slobber all over you, but ever since we moved away from the city I've been starved. No Buddhist study group. No Evolution and Human Reproduction. If you grew up Unitarian you know what I mean.

PHILIP: My parents were Quakers. There wasn't a meeting in our town, so they went to the Unitarians. But I'm an atheist.

BJ: Not even a Humanist?

PHILIP: Humanity appalls me.

BJ: (laughing) "There's a hell of a good universe next door--let's go!"

PHILIP: I'll drink to that. Want some?

BJ: I have some. I didn't spill it all on you.

PHILIP: This has got a little kick..

BJ: You mean alcohol?

PHILIP: Sshh! Contraband.

BJ: No thanks. I don't like the taste.

PHILIP: You don't drink it for the taste. You drink it so you can stand to be here with the Jocks and Jills. All the simpering, phony-

BJ: If it upsets you that much, why do you come? I mean, you're not a freshman, you're not expected--

PHILIP: I spend hours and hours alone in my room or in the lab, and then when I begin to think I'm lonely I come over here. To remind myself that the human race isn't worth missing.

BJ: You don't have roommates?

PHILIP: No.

BJ: Lucky!

PHILIP: I'm better off than when I was bunked with a goon from Youngs- town. But I had a fantasy when I came here that I'd find friends. First rate minds, learning and arguing--

BJ: The dorm's a desert. Nail polish, hairdos--! I can't believe I've traveled hundreds of miles and paid hundreds of dollars to hear the same conversations as in the locker room at Gray High! Are you telling me it won't get better?

PHILIP: If it did, I wouldn't be standing here. The math department is a joke. Except for one professor who was rather good when he was young, there's not a teacher who even knows as much as I do! They give me scholarships, independent study, but for all the stimulus I get I might as well work in a tent at the North pole!

BJ: Well, at the moment I'm happy. Talking with you like this is just the stimulus I imagined -- . Oh, oh. That's my roommate staring at me. Maybe we ought to dance.

PHILIP: Join that primate copulation ritual?

BJ: I like primates. I like the animal in ME.

PHILIP: I don't lower myself.

BJ: Oh. Sorry. (turns to go.)

PHILIP: Wait! Don't go. I have this compulsion to push people away, especially people I want to like me. Please, don't be offended. I don't even know your name.

BJ: It's BJ. I'm B.J. Northrup. (offers to shake hands)

PHILIP: Philip Van Dyke. I'm a senior, double major in math and physics.

BJ: (to audience, walking toward the next scene, where she crawls under the bed covers with Madge)
And poetry.

**************************************************** .

SCENE FOUR

MADGE So, BJ. Compared to my boringness squared, how are you doing? By Thanksgiving are you going to have something to be thankful for?

BJ I've met a young man who's probably a genius-

MADGE Hooray! Does he like you?

BJ I think so. But he's so isolated, so prickly and bitter--

MADGE What else? In Ohio? A genius could go all his life waiting for someone intelligent enough to appreciate-

BJ I don't know, Madge. Tom told me his - uh- his- he's a genius. And that it's awfully demanding. Tom says it's as if to be worthy of a genius you have to give up your own ideas, your soul even--

MADGE: What does Tom know? He's queer!

BJ: Madge! That's awful! Like saying nigger, or Kike!

MADGE: I'm sorry, BJ. But really, how can you judge a love affair, if all you have to go on is your crush on an invert like Tom?

BJ: All right. I made a fool of myself. But I'm not sorry. Tom's a beautiful intelligent sensitive-- person. And he told me about his -- inclination-- in the most adult and elegant way-- (MADGE makes a rude noise) Don't be so smug, Madge Perinski! You're sneaking out of the dorm to make whoopee with that muscle bound creep Bobby Rukman--! His I.Q. must be minus sixty!

MADGE: I'm not interested in his I.Q! At least he doesn't try to talk. Jeepers, BJ, do you realize how hard it is to put up with these morons, once I've had a friend like you? You're the genius.

BJ But I'm not. Maybe not ever. I'd have to be a genius at some- thing. And what can a woman do anyway?

MADGE: There's Marie Curie.

BJ I hated chemistry.

MADGE Literature's the best bet. There's Mrs. Browning, and Edna Millay, and the George woman who wrote The Mill On The Floss,

BJ Madge -- They're all gone. From the curriculum. The women writers, the ones we loved in high school.

MADGE Not at St. Mary's. The nuns have their favorites. Flannery O'connor. Christina Rosetti--

BJ State's banished them. There are a few printed in the anthology we had to buy, but not a one made it onto the syllabus. Not good enough, I guess.

MADGE Not even the Brahmin lady who smoked cigars--?

BJ: Amy Lowell? She got fat.

MADGE: I hope that's not why she's out. Cause I'll bet we get fat again, too.

BJ Oh, Madge!

MADGE Slimming down never lasts. Even my mother was skinny once-- long enough for her wedding pictures.

BJ: You're probably right. We'll end up like our Moms.

MADGE Better yours than mine!

BJ Oh, no! You prefer my Mom, because she has a nice house and pretty clothes and good grammar--

MADGE Because she's energetic and intelligent--

BJ But what does she do with it? Keeps a spotless house, and in- vents pointless chores to fill it with busyness. Incredible executive ability: Mom'd make a Vice President at General Motors, or a 3-star general. But all she has to organize is Dad and me. And it's wasted on Dad. Because no matter how brilliantly she constructs an argument--

MADGE Which she does! My mother can't put one thought in front of another, even if she had the nerve--

BJ --the husband's the head of the house, the breadwinner, and the wife's duty is to let him have his way.

MADGE Better to let him because it's her duty, than because if she doesn't he'll beat the crap out of her!

BJ Oh, Madge. Why does she stay with him?
(BJ slips out of her upper clothing, as she climbs out of bed and crosses into the next scene. MADGE continues to talk as if BJ were still next to her.)

MADGE Where would she go? She can't do anything. My brothers got jobs and got out. I used to escape over here, until thanks to your mom I got a scholarship to escape to college. But my mother is just stuck. With a man who married her because he got her pregnant. Who treats her like a cheap piece of furniture instead of like a person. Terrifying, isn't it? I've seen snapshots from when they were courting, and you'd swear that that was a couple who were happy together. (lights cross fade.)

*******************************************************
SCENE FIVE
(In the woods. BJ and Philip have just made love for the first time.).

BJ: Are you done?

PHILIP: Uhhuh. I didn't hurt you?

BJ: No. I feel -- all right, I guess. But I sort of expected the earth to shake.

PHILIP: I don't think it always does for the girl. Not the first time.

BJ: You mean it gets better?

PHILIP: Sure, it will. This could have been a disaster, blood all over, tears--! Now it's just a question of finding out what works.

BJ: A physics problem.

PHILIP: You're disappointed.

BJ: I'm fine.

PHILIP: If there's something I've done wrong-

BJ: I'm not blaming you.

PHILIP: God, I'm all over pine needles. You too? They've gone right into your skin.

BJ: That's what comes of being a romantic. I wanted a champagne picnic under the eyes of the pagan gods--

PHILIP: We should have finished the bottle first. Here. A toast to -- intercourse.

BJ: No, thanks. I don't like it. It's not as bad as beer or whiskey, but it tastes more like medicine than like nectar. Maybe that's because it was cheap. I had champagne at a wedding once, my memory is it was like fizzy fruit juice.

PHILIP: Fruit juice, yuck!

BJ: I suppose wine's an acquired taste.

PHILIP: Must you get dressed? I think we're safe here.

BJ: I'm chilly. Can you do me up?

PHILIP: Your back's all red, and here there must have been a stick or a stone, you're scratched! Why didn't you say something?

BJ: I didn't notice, not during the excitement.

PHILIP: Maybe that's why--

BJ: I don't think so.

PHILIP: Then what?

BJ: How should I know? You read, you get the impression intercourse is a crashing experience. What it means to be a woman.

PHILIP: You didn't get that?

BJ Not really.

PHILIP I'm sorry if--

BJ Don't be. It's not your fault. At least I've done it--

PHILIP Right. It's done, and it was worth it. Even if what we find out is how different it is from what we've been led to expect, that's learning something important, isn't it?

BJ: Other girls you've been with. Did they react with more--

PHILIP: I- uh -I haven't exactly-

BJ: You're not a virgin, too?!!

PHILIP: Not any more.

BJ: But you're twenty-one!

PHILIP: It isn't automatic, like the vote.

BJ: You let me assume you'd had experience.

PHILIP: I've had experience! I've had more experience than a human being ought to have. But not normal sex. Or love. I don't know a thing about love, except what I've read or imagined. Just like you.

BJ: You seem so sophisticated.

PHILIP: I am! I went to Swiss boarding schools, I've read Nietzsche. But that's not what counts, right? A woman wants a he-man. To "get those colored lights going."

BJ: Don't be silly. We're so much alike in our attitudes towards sex that I simply assumed that you must have -- I mean, I've come very close, and for a guy it should be easier. With no curfews, no chaperones--

PHILIP: No scruples. Screw anything that will let you in her pants, pay for it if necessary; or what's the matter with you, you queer?

BJ: Philip, I'm sorry. Of course you have scruples. You're a sensitive person. I should be honored that you--

PHILIP: Think nothing of it, BJ. It's been great, a momentous day. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I can't tell you how relieved I am about that.

BJ: You were worried that there's something wrong with you?

PHILIP: How bluntly you put it.

BJ: I suppose because I've been obsessed with -- intercourse--, I've distorted its importance. But look at Bertrand Russell!

PHILIP: At his age--

BJ: When he was young! He never slept with his wife the whole time he was working on his Principia. Maybe mathematicians sublimate.

PHILIP: Or maybe we're freaks. My brother used to say I'd never make it: If I saw a naked box I'd throw stones at it.

BJ: Your brother called it a box?

PHILIP: He's slime.

BJ: Some names are a lot worse. If you "saw a naked box" --thank you, Philip. For telling me that.

PHILIP For God's sake, BJ!

BJ No, really. It's intimate, it's burned into you, and you've trusted me with it. That kind of -- intercourse -- is so precious to me. Knowledge I could never get: about how men think. About women. What men lie about in mixed company. What they leave out of books. My real education: and now it's begun.

END OF ACT I

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